Capturing the Vanished
This article was published on Medium.com
CAPTURING THE VANISHED
On writing when there’s nothing to write
It’s Sunday morning and I’m getting ready to write and my mind, as well as my page, is blank. Yesterday was Shabbos, a day where no workday activity is done, and the one day of the week where the ideas come fast and furious. It is the day I have the most time to read, and that is a good place to garner ideas for writing. It is a day in which family time is standard fare and fodder for great and deep introspection, culling pops of random concepts and thoughts that seem to vanish completely as soon as the sun sets and the ability to use ink or electricity returns.
I’ve complained about it and struggled to figure it out. Frustrated, I attempted to come up with ideas on how to get through this issue. As with many struggles in life, I know it is incumbent upon me to drop the annoyance and replace it with positive and productive theories and make it work somehow, since going against my religious ideals is not an option.
I’ve tried keeping the articles or stories I read over the weekend and skimming through them to see if they would spark those same ideas as they had the first time I read them. That usually didn’t help, mostly because those same thoughts did not come back and if they did, those ideas did not feel good or important any longer.
I’ve tried to voice my ideas to anyone around who would listen, even my little children, so that the idea would have a chance to stick, but they didn’t, for the same reasons I mentioned above.
As a writer, I believe the experts when they say that there is a reader for everything. I may think that what I am writing would not interest anyone out there, just because I thought of it for a minute. But I would be wrong, and as a writer, I must keep telling myself this. There is always someone or three out there who is going to enjoy or relate to what you are writing.
As a person, I think like that about a lot of things. I somehow have this notion that most people aren’t interested in what I have to say, or if I attend a party, or what I look like or what I am writing. Some people might call this low self-esteem. Or a lack of confidence. Some may call it problematic and send me to therapy. But I don’t think I have a problem with my self-esteem or my confidence. I have written and published three books to date and many articles and stories.
This personality, I like to think, is more related to the environment in which I was brought up and, most importantly, the fact that I don’t hold myself too high on the totem pole of human beings. If you ask me, I think it is a good way to live.
Except that, and this is important, I always learned ‘everything in moderation’. It is fine to not hold oneself too much in high regard, but at the same time we must not hold too little of ourselves.
And this leads me back to the fact that while I am sure that many people read my writing and don’t think much of it, there are at least some, who find something to either enjoy about or learn from it. And there is no shortage of pride I have in my work. Even while I have a tough time getting people to like or follow me, or share my content, I have a hard time asking for or even expecting anything from anyone, I still see my work as useful and inspirational at least to some, which is the point of this whole vocation.
I have embarked on a writing career not to make a living, but to fulfill a hobby. And the pocket money doesn’t hurt. As far as the writing business, I have no shortage of clients who pay me for my work, another way to feel accomplished and my work valued. I’m fine.
As far as finding interesting things to write about, I have an aversion to repetitive content. I also have a strict aversion to write just for the sake of writing, even though this is the first rule you learn in any writing class.
I will not go on social media and post content just for the sake of posting content. My pages sometimes stay silent for days, even weeks, for the lack of decent content. I’m okay with that. If I spend so much of my time creating content, when do I have time to write or do anything else? I still have a house to run, children to take care of and all the rest of the things that comprises a woman’s life.
Knowing my limits and owning my priorities is a crucial ideology I live by. I don’t ever compromise my standards for my career. That said, I still enjoy writing and the feeling I get out of inspiring others. This reminds me about how I love cooking and baking and even more so the great feeling of feeding people. Although, I must admit, that I have cooked and baked a lot less lately, dividing my time, as it is, with my writing business and other responsibilities.
As for the ideas I thought I had as I sat down this morning to write, the ones that have flown the coop of my mind, never to return, I managed to create something out of nothing, nevertheless. And there it is.
Follow me on Instagram @weisermiriam